It’s the middle of the night. I’m 8 months pregnant with my first son and I have to pee. Again. I stumble out of bed to the bathroom and basically fall into the toilet. WTF?!?! A shit-storm ensues as I flip out on my husband. I’m sure the neighbors think I’m cra-cra.
– – – Fast forward 4 years. – – –
It’s the middle of the night. Against my better judgement, I ate 1/2 a watermelon before going to bed and I have to pee. Again. I stumble out of bed to the bathroom and am greeted by a light spraying sound as the lid of the toilet seat automatically goes up and I don’t even have to turn on the light, for there is a soft white glow emanating from the throne. I sit on a comfortably warm seat and start humming the Jeopardy tune. I’m certain the neighbors still think I’m cra-cra.
Dear friends. Go and get yourself a To-To Washlet. Do it today. As a matter of fact, stop reading this silly post and do it now. If you can only get one, put it in your master on-suite. It’s the best damn money you will ever spend in your bathroom. Not the fancy rose-gold fixtures you hunted down or the luxuriously fluffy, white hotel/spa towels. The toilet seat is all you need for bathroom bliss.
I have friends that come over and tell me it feels gross sitting on a warm toilet seat. There are others who proclaim that they can’t get past the “ick”-factor of the bidet feature. Still others say the automatic toilet cleaning function is too loud and the self-opening and closing lid freaks them out. To all of the nay-sayers, I say, “poo-poo.” Ha! I don’t give a F—. I will never, ever look at my toilet with disdain again. I frickin’ love my toilet seat!
With boys in the house, I never have to nag them about closing the damn lid. My thighs never have to touch a cold toilet seat in the middle of winter. The bidet function, (though not used every time) IS SANITARY.
In Japan, the automatic toilet is a standard. Every newish home, in every toilet room, in malls, airports and restaurants for over 30 years, the automatic toilet has greeted millions of butts.
1980 – Invented in Japan.
1990 – Comes to America (It’s been here. Why are they not all over the place?)
Get. With. The. Program. America! This is the land of the best of the best! We have cell phones that do practically everything but cook our meals. Graduate from the cold, porcelain/plastic seat. Put a damn GFI plug in every lav and call it a day! I swear you will never look back. Even my 2 year old who is not even close to being potty trained sits on our To-To. His tiny legs dangling above the top of the step stool, he has a huge smile on his face. My 4 year old would sit on the darn thing for an hour or more if I let him. And believe me, in that hour, I get a lot of housework done in semi-peace. And let’s not even get into my husbands “rituals.”
Get yours here. Call your favorite plumber and take the plunge. I seriously wish I could offer you a sweet discount but…
Do your nether regions a favor.
-K